The Hacker (hacked version)

		A Consideration Of The Ancient Manuscript

	It has come into our possession (how this came about is well 
beyond the scope of this treatise, but is exhaustively treated in Young's
humorous yet informative essay 'Rumblings In The Garbage Heap') a
manuscript of doubtless authenticity.  After decoding from the original
classical language ASCII, we present it here in its almost original form
with the following notes:



			The Hacker[1]

   (to the tune of[2] 'The Gambler', by Kenny Rogers[3])

On a cold,[4] winter's night[5] in a building they call CERAS[6]
I[7] met up with a hacker; we were tired and fighting sleep[8][9].
He took his turn a-starin'[10] at my screen there in the darkness[11].
Then boredom overtook him[12] and...he began to speak.

He said, "Son, I've made a life out of user consultation[13]--
Knowin' what your program does by the way you hold your eyes[14]--
And if you don't mind my sayin'[15], you are out of allocation[16].
For a taste of your soda[17] I will give you some advice[18]."

So I handed him my Pepsi[19] and he washed down my last swallow[20].
Then he killed my job and put me in the queuing line[21].
Then the line printer got quiet[22] and his face lost all expression:
"If you're going to play the game[23], boy, you've gotta learn to use your
	time"

CHORUS[24]:
	"You gotta know when to code, know when to log out,
	Know when to single-step[25], know when you're through.
	You don't write your program when you're sitting at the terminal.
	There'll be time enough for writing...when you're in the queue[26]."

[27]"Every hacker knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' when the time is free[28] and what's the load and queue.
Cause everyone's a cruncher and everyone's a user[29]
And the best that you can hope for is a crash when you're through[30]."

Then he walked back towards his terminal as I stumbled to the lobby[31],
Went over to the couches and drifted off to sleep[32].
And somewhere in the darkness, the hacker he done logged out.
But in his final words I found some time that I could keep.

CHORUS[33]


Notes:

    [1]	Hacker (Haak' - ur) from the English, 'to hack' (Olde Englishe --
	HACKE).  One who hacks, esp. one who consistently makes small and
	unimportant changes to a program so as to be clever.

    [2] It is doubtful that the person or persons who wrote this song had
	any concept as to what a tune is.

    [3] It appears that the author of this piece never had a last name and 
	was forever burdened by his parents with two first names.

    [4] Note here that the scribe did not know English very well.  This
	comma ain't necessary. 

    [5] At the location where the ballad takes place, it is always cold
	and since one usually has no concept of the outside world, it might
	as well be winter as any other season.

    [6] Center for Educational Research At Stanford, also known as SCRDT,
	also known as 'a concrete and glass structure in the center of
	Stanford campus'.

    [7] The first person is used here, the name of the second person 
	having been changed to protect his innocence.

    [8] Sleep research is prevalent at Stanford, although I am unaware of
	any fighting that is caused by this.  Certainly conscription of
	young men to fight is discouraged.

    [9] There is a second theory about this phrase, the contention being 
	that the author and the hacker were brothers (or at least relatives)
	by the name of Sleep--Tired and Fighting Sleep to be precise--which
	however throws some suspicion on the sanity of their parents.

   [10] It is apparent by this that the author of the ballad was in no small
	trouble, if people had to take turns to come over and stare at his
	terminal.

   [11] The lighting at CERAS has never been known for its brilliance.  In
	fact, it has deteriorated drastically from its original intensity
	so that each carrel must now depend on the glow from the screens
	for any illumination.

   [12] B.Boredom is a frequent user of LOTS and is so repulsive that users
	have been known to strike up a conversation with anyone else to
	avoid having to talk to this creature.  This is precisely what
	occurs here.

   [13] This may or may not be an exaggeration.  Many consultants do seem
	to have been here for an awfully long time.  It is a rare case,
	though, that these oft-seen personages are actually devoted to
	consulting.

   [14] This is not an exaggeration.

   [15] A rare show of concern for the user.  Usually, hackers don't care
	if a person minds or not.  This was obviously an unusual (or at
	least a mental) case.

   [16] Allocation, n., from the English, to allocate.  The amount of time
	given to a user with which he may communicate to the computer. This
	time is not, however, absolute and it is indeed the case that a
	person may be communicating while 'over allocation'.  Although
	allocation has been around for years, the definition of it has
	recently come under attack, and whole new school of thought has 
	sprung up based on the premise that allocation, like astrology,
	should depend on the time of year.

   [17] From the English, "Soda Pop".  Also known as "pop" or just "drink".
	It appears to be a regional peculiarity as to which one you prefer.

   [18] This phrase indicates that the hacker was NOT a wheel, being able
	only to give advice in a verbal fashion, and not by being enabled.

   [19] This is a common drink (soda, pop, etc) among hackers, esp. late at
	night when the body's withdrawal from caffeine tends to place it in
	a state of hibernation.

   [20] Perhaps the most vulgar part of the entire ballad.  It has been well
	established that the last part of any drink (soda, pop, etc) is
	mostly backwash, anyway.

   [21] This is very redundant and repetitive, too.  Unless, of course, a
	line was being formed to use the queuing terminal, which is not
	uncommon.

   [22] Probably was jammed or broken again.

   [23] It is not likely that the author was playing a game (specifically
	adventure) at the time, but it is possible that the hacker could
	only relate to him on those terms..

   [24] It is most unusual that a chorus should be wandering through CERAS
	just at this moment.  Infrequent visits by the LSJUMB and the
	Mendicants have been noted, however.

   [25] This may have confused the poor user, unless the hacker was refering
	to the practice of manually 'walking' through the program.  The new
	Pascal 20 debugger does have a single-stepper.
	
   [26] This line and the one before it contain the two most powerful
	thoughts of the entire ballad.  They are restatements of a well-
 	known maxim that should be recognizable by the reader.

   [27] At this point in the ballad, the manuscript indicates a gentle
	modulation up one key.

   [28] There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but apparently there
	are (highly contested) periods when time is free.  This explains
	why the hacker put the user back into the queue even though he had
	no allocation left.

   [29] Ain't it the truth.

   [30] It appears that if the system crashes just before a user logs out,
	that user retains the benefit of his work, and is not penalized for
	the time he uses.  Not very dependable.

   [31] It is easy to stumble in the CERAS lobby.  There are many pieces of
	misplaced furniture and they are all chained down.

   [32] As odd as this may seem, it happens all the time.  It may even give
	us an inkling as to who the user was.  Note:  Due to his falling
	asleep, he probably missed his terminal assignment, which is also
	common.

   [33] In the original, it is indicated that the chorus here is to be
	repeated, the second time with a background counterpoint, thusly:

	You gotta know when to code (when to code),
		know when to log out (when to log out),
		   etc....