I Wonder What the System is Doing Tonight

I Wonder What the System Is Doing Tonight
  (sung to the tune of I Wonder What the King Is Doing Tonight from CAMELOT)

I know what our users are thinking today
As over their listings they putter:			    ;these line spoken
Everyone smiling in secret dismay
As they stare at their ttys and mutter.
Whenever the queue grows this short,
You can almost hear everyone snort:
   "I wonder what the system is doing tonight.
   Which one of us it's so bent on screwing tonight.
   The lights on the front end, they never burned as bright.
   I wonder what the system is down for tonight.
   How goes the intercession
   When the load is in recession
   And many of the users are far-flung?"
Well I'll tell you what the system is doing tonight:  it's hung!
It's hung?
You mean LOTS survived last Monday morning
Perfectly well, then without warning
Brings itself down in the middle of the night?
Right!
A night when the site's so still and quiet
Even the hackers aren't by it
LOTS gets itself into an awful mess?
Yes!
You mean that appalling clammering
That sounds like a blacksmith hammering
Is frustrated users banging on their keys?
Please!
You wonder what the system is hashing tonight?
It's running around in circles, thrashing, tonight!
What occuppies its time, which no one's here to use?
It's searching high and low for files to lose!
And oh, the chance for greediness
The uninterrupted speediness
It must offer to the users who remain!
Well I'll tell you what the system is offering tonight:
It's hung!  It's thrashing!
It's looping!  It's crashing!
And that's what the system's doing tonight.